You're born holding some things in higher value than others. You're programmed that way. Food and warmth are good because they keep you alive. So are parents for the same reason. Things that taste bad might be poison. Sleep is wonderful. You probably shouldn't trust anyone else. Until your parents tell you it's all right.

You grow up building a new collection of value assignments. You listen attentively to your parents and learn that some foods are better than others. Desserts are awesome because you can't always have them and sometimes you have to something you don't like to get them. You are forced to attend school, so it's obviously terrible. Then you discover friends, and you value them. They like to do what you like to do. You start to like whatever they like. In different ways from your parents, your friends become your tribe. You make friends in cousins, classmates and colleagues. You listen to them and talk like them and think like them and you share things that you value.

Almost all of this happens without you having to put a lot of thought into it. Sometimes you just do things because you're directed to or you know you have to or because other people are doing it. There are things you don't like and there are times that you feel bad or uneasy or confused. Eventually, you may come to the conclusion that the things you do in life are not necessarily aligned with what you value. You may not even know what you value. See, you didn't have to think about it, so it just happened behind the scenes. But if you're starting to think that maybe your life is not everything you want it to be or believe maybe it could be, perhaps it's time to do some thinking.

When you take the time to reflect, to inventory what you could value, what you do value, what you spend your time doing, what leaves you with lasting joy or momentary pleasure or sharp regret, you can build a list. You can put it in order. You can refer to your list when decisions arise that might lead you towards that which you value most, or what you seem to value right now. What have been somewhat blind decisions could transform if you're able to realize what you value that you're not getting or doing or feeling, and why those decisions affect that result.

Something we seem to all value, programmed from the start, though it's almost never in your conscious, is having some sense of purpose. It may not be rational or necessary for the propogation of our species, and maybe it doesn't even seem important when we have big picture thinking, but there seems to be something there, some value in the intersection of being a unique individual, having a greater interest and higher capability in some domain, some place where we find challenges we enjoy, a sense of accomplishment as we expand our universe just a little more. This ultimate value might very likely be something tied in pretty closely with all the other things we realize about ourselves.

Perhaps we value charity and seeing someone with disadvantage get a little push forward, and we know how they feel and how to reach them and how to make a difference, and just maybe, we're a little better at making that difference than others, and we feel good when we use that advantage of ours in a certain way. Or perhaps we value family and education, and we decide to take it upon ourselves to raise children and teach them at home and also on trips and adventures and visits and watch children grow up with their own unique set of purposes and values with maybe just a little overlap with our own.

There's a lot that gets between those possibilities and where we sit in reality. There's the habits and some things we act like we value without thinking about. The time and money and multitude of precious resources we sacrifice for a little entertainment that lets us talk to our tribe about those things we all like. There's that job we have to drive an hour to so we can find a way to pass hours feeling or seeming busy or just not feeling insane. We feel these things as needs even if we don't feel them as valuable when we get that moment to close our eyes and think about what really matters to us. And then, later, we wonder why we're feeling anxious, uneasy, bored, restless, out of place, unenthusiastic. Why doesn't eating replace our emptiness? Why doesn't that movie settle our mind? Why do we want to stay up later for just one more thing?

Take the time to think about the things in your life that you truly value. Who do you want to spend your time with? When you think about your time with them, does it end with a peaceful sigh, an energetic charge that prepares you for everything facing you? Do you leave with relief, drained, needing to recover? What are your strongest memories? Most vivid? Most interesting? Where do you feel like you need to get back to? Or where do you know you need to go? Why do certain people, activities, places and topics fill you with the emotions that they do? Much of it can be tied to what we value, and whether we get what we value, whether our resources are focused on what's important to us, continually, throughout life.